Life in a Routine

Now everything is settling down for the semester. I have monday and thursday at work, a few hours here and there at uni, and wednesday nights teaching.

My sister came to visit on the weekend, I didn't realise how much I miss being around her all the time, she used to make me mad a lot, but most of the time she makes me really happy. I relax around her because I know what she thinks about me and I don't have to worry about her opinion of me. She loves me no matter what.

Other friends are leaving me. I made Netty really mad with me, I don't think we understand each other any more. I don't know if she wants to be friends with me anymore, and I don't know if I can be friends with her either. I was talking to someone at uni about the fact that the bond hasn't all come back, and that someone went and made a few comments to Netty about it. I am mad with that person, and mad with myself as well. I have never learnt when to keep my mouth shut, and tell people things to see what their reactions will be. And because I can't think of anything else to say. I really don't like this other person, they make me uncomfortable when I am around them just because their personality drives me up the wall. I don't like his attitude, I don't like his sense of humour, I don't like that he can't take a hint and leave me alone when I am ready to leave, but I am also too nice to say any of that. Why bother. It would only complicate things.

So I feel like my friends have all left, and I am only left with family. Which is not a bad thing really. I used to count how many friends I had at high school, because it was important to be popular. And to make sure that everyone was included when we organised things with everyone. I caught up with Andy the other day, and the conversation was really nice, but I felt a few pauses in the conversation that I never felt before because we don't share anything in our lives like we used to. Bec is in the country, and I would love to catch up with her, but I don't even get time to get there to see family. I hardly caught up with her when she was in Melbourne.

I think the main thing with Netty is that I don't know how to sort out what I feel about moving out from the opinions of everyone else. It is hard to separate what I feel from what Mark feels sometimes, when he says things sometimes, I doubt my own judgement. I thought that Netty and I were friends, and we always got along great, but do we have the same thing when we aren't sharing a house? I don't want to let her go because then I will feel like I don't have any friends left that care enough to ring up just to see what I am doing. The only people who do that are my parents, Marks parents and Kat. How many people do I need in my life? It's hard to let friends go at the end.