Well, it's that time of year when the assignments all become due at the same time, and the classes get harder to bother to turn up for, and the thinking I have to do gets harder and harder. THe book I am reading at the moment, come to think of it ALL the books I have to read for school are so hard to read because they are thick with created terms that I have to think hard to remember what they all mean. But I am proud of the fact that I can read anything with a critical mind, and I am excited to think that I can pass some of that on to someone else.
A good thing is that I have a few weeks off coming up when everyone else goes on placement. I am on placement from early next year before uni goes back, can't wait to find where they place me this time. Very exciting. I have a few weeks at school with classes after that, and then there is a ten week internship. THAT will be very hard, I was exhausted after three weeks. I think that I will have to put every thing on hold, including work and piano lessons. They don't realise how hard they make it for us, not being able to work or get paid for the full time school work. There should be something available so that students can still afford to EAT while learning how to do something. It is a big expectation. Thats still a year away.
Oh, it's past 11pm already, definately time to go to bed. I have a lot planned for tomorrow, because I don't have to work, or go to school, and then I have to be ready to go home in the afternoon. I am going to go to the gym, clean up the house, and mow the lawn. The weather is fantastic at the moment!!!! I sunburned my arms a little today, it was heaven. Lunch in the sun with boost juice. BRING ON THE SPRING!!!
>>Apologies for the excessive use of caps lock and !<<
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
My Dads Dad
My Dads Dad came to town, he lives a long way away. Over the years my Dad lost touch with him, as a result I have only met him once or twice. It was really nice to be old enough to be able to organise to meet him myself and have a great chat.
I was happy that we seemed to get along really well, he is such a nice guy. He told me about family that I don't know anything about, the connections between people are more numerous than you realise sometimes. I would like to work out a family tree, but I don't know how to go about it, and I don't remember names, which without a little history behind each person I would forget who was who.
Finding out about origins is all very interesting.
The other thing I was doing this weekend was attending as a scribe the National Music Workshop, where a lot of the important people in the music scene, government, schools, uni's, industry, AMEB, came to Melbourne to talk about the state of music ed in Australia, and propose things that need to happen next. It all came out of a National Review that the Government did into it, which is as thick as a phone book, and about as interesting. It is a lot of high level language which takes a bit of thinking to sort out the really important bits. I tell you I am all talked out. I listened to people all TALK, everyone had their say, lots of their say.
Yet for me, as a potential teacher the outlook for music teachers at the moment is very very good. If there is all this interest in having music teachers in schools, and having the status of music raised in public opinion, then there will be multitudes of oppourtunities for teachers like me. And because I am very specialised in both instrumental and now classroom teaching, there will be extra demand. Because I can do things in both the classroom and instrumental programs at a school. And if I decide that the classroom really isn't for me, then there will be heaps of teaching positions for instrumentalists. Having piano and horn is a bonus.
So the biggest things that they agreed on is that music is currently seen as a nice wishy washy kind of subject next to subjects like English and Maths and Science and whatever. When for personal development and well being music is the best thing. Everyone listens to it. It has been proved time and time again that music helps literacy and numeracy and cognitive skills and coordination and team work skills. So they want to raise the importance of music education for everyone.
They wanted to have everyone sing. Every child in the primary school should be involved in a choir and learn to sing. To most high school kids that would be weird and uncool, but they want to change the culture that it is not ok to sing in public. They want to be like Samoan and African cultures where singing as a community is taken for granted. It will be a hard change to initiate, but I think it is possible.
Lots of interesting discussion over two days. Better go to bed, I am so tired now I am stupid.
I was happy that we seemed to get along really well, he is such a nice guy. He told me about family that I don't know anything about, the connections between people are more numerous than you realise sometimes. I would like to work out a family tree, but I don't know how to go about it, and I don't remember names, which without a little history behind each person I would forget who was who.
Finding out about origins is all very interesting.
The other thing I was doing this weekend was attending as a scribe the National Music Workshop, where a lot of the important people in the music scene, government, schools, uni's, industry, AMEB, came to Melbourne to talk about the state of music ed in Australia, and propose things that need to happen next. It all came out of a National Review that the Government did into it, which is as thick as a phone book, and about as interesting. It is a lot of high level language which takes a bit of thinking to sort out the really important bits. I tell you I am all talked out. I listened to people all TALK, everyone had their say, lots of their say.
Yet for me, as a potential teacher the outlook for music teachers at the moment is very very good. If there is all this interest in having music teachers in schools, and having the status of music raised in public opinion, then there will be multitudes of oppourtunities for teachers like me. And because I am very specialised in both instrumental and now classroom teaching, there will be extra demand. Because I can do things in both the classroom and instrumental programs at a school. And if I decide that the classroom really isn't for me, then there will be heaps of teaching positions for instrumentalists. Having piano and horn is a bonus.
So the biggest things that they agreed on is that music is currently seen as a nice wishy washy kind of subject next to subjects like English and Maths and Science and whatever. When for personal development and well being music is the best thing. Everyone listens to it. It has been proved time and time again that music helps literacy and numeracy and cognitive skills and coordination and team work skills. So they want to raise the importance of music education for everyone.
They wanted to have everyone sing. Every child in the primary school should be involved in a choir and learn to sing. To most high school kids that would be weird and uncool, but they want to change the culture that it is not ok to sing in public. They want to be like Samoan and African cultures where singing as a community is taken for granted. It will be a hard change to initiate, but I think it is possible.
Lots of interesting discussion over two days. Better go to bed, I am so tired now I am stupid.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Train
Travelling on the train there are so many conversations going on that I find myself listening in to. It's so hard to find somewhere to look that isn't catching someones eye.
On the Broady train I always overhear at least one phone conversation, usually more. The other day I was sitting in an aisle seat and on one side of me I had the group of 14 year olds talking about their friend who had gone on their first date on the weekend, and went to the movies with a boy and has 'love marks' on her neck and they are so cute as a couple!
On the other side, (the side I was sitting on, ugh) I had three people talking about death metal and one of them talking about how people always want to bite him, and then demonstrating how he broke his finger once and could sometimes disconnect it and wave it around. YUCK!
I felt very sick.
On the up side on the train platform a lady approached me and asked if there were newspapers on the platform for sale. When I replied that it wasn't on this platform, but back up the stairs, she looked worried and said she didn't want to miss the train. She was old, and very shaky, so I offered to run up to the newsstand and get her a paper, as there was still ten minutes left till the train arrived. She pulled her wallet out right in front of me and gave me the money for it, I went and got her the last one left. I am glad that I could make someones day a little better.
On the Broady train I always overhear at least one phone conversation, usually more. The other day I was sitting in an aisle seat and on one side of me I had the group of 14 year olds talking about their friend who had gone on their first date on the weekend, and went to the movies with a boy and has 'love marks' on her neck and they are so cute as a couple!
On the other side, (the side I was sitting on, ugh) I had three people talking about death metal and one of them talking about how people always want to bite him, and then demonstrating how he broke his finger once and could sometimes disconnect it and wave it around. YUCK!
I felt very sick.
On the up side on the train platform a lady approached me and asked if there were newspapers on the platform for sale. When I replied that it wasn't on this platform, but back up the stairs, she looked worried and said she didn't want to miss the train. She was old, and very shaky, so I offered to run up to the newsstand and get her a paper, as there was still ten minutes left till the train arrived. She pulled her wallet out right in front of me and gave me the money for it, I went and got her the last one left. I am glad that I could make someones day a little better.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Good Comment
I thought about the comment left and I've decided that it's exactly right. I should stop focusing on what I don't have any more, and focus on what I do have. I went to dinner on Sunday night with Shane and Kat and Matty and Neene and Steve, and it is these kind of people that don't care one way or another what I say or do. Or maybe it's that they do care, but still love me for me.
I have great friends at work, people in my uni classes always remember my name, when I can never remember theirs. Friends come and go, so I should make the best of the people I have around me now.
You know when Netty told me the other day that she wanted to talk to me, ultimatly to tell me off, she first asked me if I wanted to go have lunch with her. You know the first thought I had? Hey, she really does want to catch up. But really it was just to tell me off for being insensitive, and thats it. I keep sticking up for her and trying to see the best in her, when everyone else is telling me she isn't worth it. We really had a lot of fun in the same house. We worked well together on school work. Is it just my easy personality that meant we never clashed? Am I too reasonable?
I wonder if she will say anything when I see her thursday. There is only one more bill left from the house. Will I get the rest of the bond back?
Find out on the next, Days of Our Lives.
I have great friends at work, people in my uni classes always remember my name, when I can never remember theirs. Friends come and go, so I should make the best of the people I have around me now.
You know when Netty told me the other day that she wanted to talk to me, ultimatly to tell me off, she first asked me if I wanted to go have lunch with her. You know the first thought I had? Hey, she really does want to catch up. But really it was just to tell me off for being insensitive, and thats it. I keep sticking up for her and trying to see the best in her, when everyone else is telling me she isn't worth it. We really had a lot of fun in the same house. We worked well together on school work. Is it just my easy personality that meant we never clashed? Am I too reasonable?
I wonder if she will say anything when I see her thursday. There is only one more bill left from the house. Will I get the rest of the bond back?
Find out on the next, Days of Our Lives.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Life in a Routine
Now everything is settling down for the semester. I have monday and thursday at work, a few hours here and there at uni, and wednesday nights teaching.
My sister came to visit on the weekend, I didn't realise how much I miss being around her all the time, she used to make me mad a lot, but most of the time she makes me really happy. I relax around her because I know what she thinks about me and I don't have to worry about her opinion of me. She loves me no matter what.
Other friends are leaving me. I made Netty really mad with me, I don't think we understand each other any more. I don't know if she wants to be friends with me anymore, and I don't know if I can be friends with her either. I was talking to someone at uni about the fact that the bond hasn't all come back, and that someone went and made a few comments to Netty about it. I am mad with that person, and mad with myself as well. I have never learnt when to keep my mouth shut, and tell people things to see what their reactions will be. And because I can't think of anything else to say. I really don't like this other person, they make me uncomfortable when I am around them just because their personality drives me up the wall. I don't like his attitude, I don't like his sense of humour, I don't like that he can't take a hint and leave me alone when I am ready to leave, but I am also too nice to say any of that. Why bother. It would only complicate things.
So I feel like my friends have all left, and I am only left with family. Which is not a bad thing really. I used to count how many friends I had at high school, because it was important to be popular. And to make sure that everyone was included when we organised things with everyone. I caught up with Andy the other day, and the conversation was really nice, but I felt a few pauses in the conversation that I never felt before because we don't share anything in our lives like we used to. Bec is in the country, and I would love to catch up with her, but I don't even get time to get there to see family. I hardly caught up with her when she was in Melbourne.
I think the main thing with Netty is that I don't know how to sort out what I feel about moving out from the opinions of everyone else. It is hard to separate what I feel from what Mark feels sometimes, when he says things sometimes, I doubt my own judgement. I thought that Netty and I were friends, and we always got along great, but do we have the same thing when we aren't sharing a house? I don't want to let her go because then I will feel like I don't have any friends left that care enough to ring up just to see what I am doing. The only people who do that are my parents, Marks parents and Kat. How many people do I need in my life? It's hard to let friends go at the end.
My sister came to visit on the weekend, I didn't realise how much I miss being around her all the time, she used to make me mad a lot, but most of the time she makes me really happy. I relax around her because I know what she thinks about me and I don't have to worry about her opinion of me. She loves me no matter what.
Other friends are leaving me. I made Netty really mad with me, I don't think we understand each other any more. I don't know if she wants to be friends with me anymore, and I don't know if I can be friends with her either. I was talking to someone at uni about the fact that the bond hasn't all come back, and that someone went and made a few comments to Netty about it. I am mad with that person, and mad with myself as well. I have never learnt when to keep my mouth shut, and tell people things to see what their reactions will be. And because I can't think of anything else to say. I really don't like this other person, they make me uncomfortable when I am around them just because their personality drives me up the wall. I don't like his attitude, I don't like his sense of humour, I don't like that he can't take a hint and leave me alone when I am ready to leave, but I am also too nice to say any of that. Why bother. It would only complicate things.
So I feel like my friends have all left, and I am only left with family. Which is not a bad thing really. I used to count how many friends I had at high school, because it was important to be popular. And to make sure that everyone was included when we organised things with everyone. I caught up with Andy the other day, and the conversation was really nice, but I felt a few pauses in the conversation that I never felt before because we don't share anything in our lives like we used to. Bec is in the country, and I would love to catch up with her, but I don't even get time to get there to see family. I hardly caught up with her when she was in Melbourne.
I think the main thing with Netty is that I don't know how to sort out what I feel about moving out from the opinions of everyone else. It is hard to separate what I feel from what Mark feels sometimes, when he says things sometimes, I doubt my own judgement. I thought that Netty and I were friends, and we always got along great, but do we have the same thing when we aren't sharing a house? I don't want to let her go because then I will feel like I don't have any friends left that care enough to ring up just to see what I am doing. The only people who do that are my parents, Marks parents and Kat. How many people do I need in my life? It's hard to let friends go at the end.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Public Transport
The biggest thing I hate about transport is missing the train. It has happened to me the last two times I've taken the train, and then you have to wait 20 mintues, half hour for the next one! Good thing that I've been leaving early from home to catch transport, but its on the way home that really gets me.
The other day after uni I thought I would try taking the train home, rather than two trams and a bus. So I went off to Melbourne Central, and my train has one minute left. I run down the stairs, elbowing people out of the way, only to have the train doors shut in my face. Next time I am army rolling it through the doors, though I do wonder if they stop closing just because you are in the way. So then I had to wait 20 minutes for the next one.
The next day I thought that I would give it another go, surely I would catch one on time. Well, I was on the platform with 5 minutes to spare, yet there is confusion among the other passengers abut which train is coming next, and which one just left. No announcements mind you. So then it comes the turn of my train, a few minutes late, and it just dissapears off the listing. The train evaporated into thin air. Magicians! So of course, 10 mintues standing around on the platform waiting. And waiting, and waiting. And still no sign of my train. I took the next one to flinders street.
So tonight, lessons finish, and the last people drop me off at the station, just in time to see the train pulling in. Of course the platform is on a big bridge, and its a three story high ramp. Thankyou, another 20 minutes in the cold and rain. Get on the train home, curl into a foetal position and hope to god that no one sits next to me.
I hate the train.
The other day after uni I thought I would try taking the train home, rather than two trams and a bus. So I went off to Melbourne Central, and my train has one minute left. I run down the stairs, elbowing people out of the way, only to have the train doors shut in my face. Next time I am army rolling it through the doors, though I do wonder if they stop closing just because you are in the way. So then I had to wait 20 minutes for the next one.
The next day I thought that I would give it another go, surely I would catch one on time. Well, I was on the platform with 5 minutes to spare, yet there is confusion among the other passengers abut which train is coming next, and which one just left. No announcements mind you. So then it comes the turn of my train, a few minutes late, and it just dissapears off the listing. The train evaporated into thin air. Magicians! So of course, 10 mintues standing around on the platform waiting. And waiting, and waiting. And still no sign of my train. I took the next one to flinders street.
So tonight, lessons finish, and the last people drop me off at the station, just in time to see the train pulling in. Of course the platform is on a big bridge, and its a three story high ramp. Thankyou, another 20 minutes in the cold and rain. Get on the train home, curl into a foetal position and hope to god that no one sits next to me.
I hate the train.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Success!
Well work today was good and not so good. Being on front end is really getting me down, I hate serving people endlessly, it gets me irritated about nothing, like the fact that they may want a second bag or whatever. I mean, who cares if they take a second bag??? Does it reflect badly on me, or have anything to do with me at all? No! So why is it such a big deal in my head?
I think that mostly it is to do with the fact that I am soooooo close to making a break with my previous life, (sounds like something really dramatic, and in a way I suppose it is...), and starting on the career that I have been studying towards for a long time. 2 years of primary school, six of high school, one year off, and now currently four years of uni time, that is a lot of years to be working towards the same thing, and still haven't really achieved it, being a full time paid musician. (Do they exist anyway?)
So Safeway is really getting me down because it is the halfway job, and I am ready to move on, but there is still waiting to be done, a little more time before I can call it quits. I think partly I am scared too, of making a break of it, and moving into a completely different kind of work.
At Safeway I am just a worker, I am there to complete a menial job, so that other people can benefit. As a music teacher I am there to provide knowledge, others look up to me for answers. I see it as two opposite ends of a spectrum, well two different kinds of jobs. The second I'll get paid a lot more for.
If I want to find a music teacher for this year and next, I will need to keep the safeway job. The way Uni runs, all you can afford is a poverty wage to study, I need this menial job to pay the bills. It's just killing me that I still need it. I hate it.
SO, SUCCESS!. About the crappy friday class, I saw Netty today, and she said that she got hers changed by putting in a request saying that we are country students and need to travel home. I read the request form that said in no uncertain terms that work, travel and general inconvenience are not valid reasons. Must just mean local travel, country travel counts as a valid reason. We country students need to have some perks over these city people.
After all this time, I still think of myself as a country person, I tell everyone that I am from a country town, and watch their eyes light up as I suddenly become more interesting, and more accessable in a way. Country people are different to city people. More open, more friendly, just different.
Mark asked me the other day if he was offered 3rd in charge of Shepp East would I want to move. I'm not ready to move there yet, there just isn't the range of oppourtunities for me until I am ready to take on my own whole department. When I do decide to go to a country town the incentives will still be there. I really think that Mark is getting used to the city, I don't think he will ever love it, but it is not turning out to be the scary crappy place he imagined it to be. The fact that we are together to support eachother too, IN OUR OWN HOUSE BY OURSELVES, makes living here really nice.
We are off to the local pub tomorrow to have a meal and a few beers. We don't usually drink beer, but I think that tomorrow I might have a few beers.
I think that mostly it is to do with the fact that I am soooooo close to making a break with my previous life, (sounds like something really dramatic, and in a way I suppose it is...), and starting on the career that I have been studying towards for a long time. 2 years of primary school, six of high school, one year off, and now currently four years of uni time, that is a lot of years to be working towards the same thing, and still haven't really achieved it, being a full time paid musician. (Do they exist anyway?)
So Safeway is really getting me down because it is the halfway job, and I am ready to move on, but there is still waiting to be done, a little more time before I can call it quits. I think partly I am scared too, of making a break of it, and moving into a completely different kind of work.
At Safeway I am just a worker, I am there to complete a menial job, so that other people can benefit. As a music teacher I am there to provide knowledge, others look up to me for answers. I see it as two opposite ends of a spectrum, well two different kinds of jobs. The second I'll get paid a lot more for.
If I want to find a music teacher for this year and next, I will need to keep the safeway job. The way Uni runs, all you can afford is a poverty wage to study, I need this menial job to pay the bills. It's just killing me that I still need it. I hate it.
SO, SUCCESS!. About the crappy friday class, I saw Netty today, and she said that she got hers changed by putting in a request saying that we are country students and need to travel home. I read the request form that said in no uncertain terms that work, travel and general inconvenience are not valid reasons. Must just mean local travel, country travel counts as a valid reason. We country students need to have some perks over these city people.
After all this time, I still think of myself as a country person, I tell everyone that I am from a country town, and watch their eyes light up as I suddenly become more interesting, and more accessable in a way. Country people are different to city people. More open, more friendly, just different.
Mark asked me the other day if he was offered 3rd in charge of Shepp East would I want to move. I'm not ready to move there yet, there just isn't the range of oppourtunities for me until I am ready to take on my own whole department. When I do decide to go to a country town the incentives will still be there. I really think that Mark is getting used to the city, I don't think he will ever love it, but it is not turning out to be the scary crappy place he imagined it to be. The fact that we are together to support eachother too, IN OUR OWN HOUSE BY OURSELVES, makes living here really nice.
We are off to the local pub tomorrow to have a meal and a few beers. We don't usually drink beer, but I think that tomorrow I might have a few beers.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Self Esteem
Hey all, I am feeling better than I was when I wrote the last post. I went into a real depressed cycle, just hated everything. I had a great class tuesday, the lady taking our tute wrote the class and organised all the lectures, so she really knows what she is talking about. I have been hating the idea of this class on friday afternoon, but we shall see what I do about it when I get to the class. I'll go to it once, and see about changing if it is still the same guy.
Anyway, the tuesday class meant that everything starting looking up for learning things in this course.
The other thing that helped was the piano lessons I had today, all the kids are sooo cute, and I felt alright about how the lesson went. The last boy I have has a great talent, he is sightreading so well I am not sure what music to give him next. I have to find some more music during the week. It is his second lesson today and he had started scales, and talking about key signatures.
I went to the gym today, and ran around the block yesterday and today. I go back and forth between being happy with myslef, and not. Isn't that how it is for everyone? I think I am off clothes shopping for a while. I really really like the idea of these wrap dresses, I think that they look great, however when I wear them it looks nothing like the models, (obviously, cause I EAT things), but it gets me down none-the-less. Do fashion designers ignore the fact that 90% of women DONT look like broom handles? That some girls might be be bigger in the bust than an A cup? I know that these are questions that most girls ask themselves. Yet I am really struggling with self esteem at the moment. I have to keep telling myself that I am great looking, I have assesets that a lot of women pay money for, and I am well loved by Mark, no matter what I look like. It is so hard to keep believing it.
Two days to the weekend.
Anyway, the tuesday class meant that everything starting looking up for learning things in this course.
The other thing that helped was the piano lessons I had today, all the kids are sooo cute, and I felt alright about how the lesson went. The last boy I have has a great talent, he is sightreading so well I am not sure what music to give him next. I have to find some more music during the week. It is his second lesson today and he had started scales, and talking about key signatures.
I went to the gym today, and ran around the block yesterday and today. I go back and forth between being happy with myslef, and not. Isn't that how it is for everyone? I think I am off clothes shopping for a while. I really really like the idea of these wrap dresses, I think that they look great, however when I wear them it looks nothing like the models, (obviously, cause I EAT things), but it gets me down none-the-less. Do fashion designers ignore the fact that 90% of women DONT look like broom handles? That some girls might be be bigger in the bust than an A cup? I know that these are questions that most girls ask themselves. Yet I am really struggling with self esteem at the moment. I have to keep telling myself that I am great looking, I have assesets that a lot of women pay money for, and I am well loved by Mark, no matter what I look like. It is so hard to keep believing it.
Two days to the weekend.
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